13 posts tagged “tww”

The period appeared. I am so stunned. No other words to describe how I feel right now.

There were absolutely no signs of AF. No PMS. It's not like I was spotting for a couple of days, cramping, no this or that, it just came...

Way earlier than the previous IVFs too ... 13DPO

I'm more stunned because I had no symptoms until this morning.

This afternoon, I noticed bright red spotting, which was not a good sign. Then I was like, "hhmmm, could this be cramps?" then BOOM. The period showed its nasty head.

When I had minor spotting this afternoon, I told my husband about it. He was upset and sad. This is the first he kind of showed any emotions. I could never tell if he was affected by the outcome.

I am going to call Dr in the morning - probably have the blood test done, rather than the schedule beta (Monday, 3/16). 

My mind is so blurred.

9DP4DT (9 day post day-4 transfer) 9DPT (9 day post transfer) 13DPR / 13DPO (13 day post retrieval)

Still I have absolutely no symptoms. I mean NADA. I google and find comments like "no symptoms except for xxxxxx" a lot. OK, that's still a symptom. For me, there is nothing. I mean I'm taking the progesterone shots and suppository. Isn't there anything from that?? Nope, not me.

• Frequent urination - No
• Cramping - No
• Sharp pain in ovary - No
• Headache - No
• Hot flashes - No
• Spotting - No
• CM - No (very dry!)
• Bloating - No
• Weight gain - No
• Sore breasts - No
• Sore butts!? - No

I mean nothing... This is rather weird.

One thing I want an answer is the relationship with Lupron Depot (this is different from the daily subcutaneous injection). I haven't had my period since last November. Lupron Depot shuts down everything (to menopausal stage). Yeah, the side effects I endured were just lovely. Hot flashes, dryness downstairs (seriously), etc.

So is that why I'm not having any discharge or spotting??? I mean it'd be wonderful if this is because I'm pregnant. But I don't know. 

Am I supposed to be afraid of the period to come like the last time or the period won't come on schedule because of Lupron Depot? (OK, I'm thinking of this in case this cycle was a bust...)

Well, I know I ovulated thanks to all those stims. Around that time, I had pre-O symptoms like cervical mucus and all that. So Lupron Depot situation is irrelevant now? FYI - my last injection was on January 6. I can't find any answers to that.

Ah well. I might as well enjoy nothingness while it lasts.

7DP4DT (7 day post day-4 transfer) 7DPT (7 day post transfer) 11DPR / 11DPO (11 day post retrieval)

After recovering from the terrible stomach flu, I enjoy having absolutely no symptoms. I don't even have sore butts from the daily progesterone shot. Learning from the previous 2 IVFs that symptoms during 2ww mean NOTHING, helps go through yet another cycle.

I wasn't sure if I'd be overanalytical. The previous 2 cycles, OH yes. But having completely 2 different symptoms, I've decided not to read into anything, and so far I managed to do that.

Y'know, IVF is something that can make you "a little" pregnant. I don't know how my precious embryos are doing right now. I'm hoping they've decided to stay in my uterus. Since the retrieval, I'm a little pregnant. This is the closest I came in pregnancy. I know that's sad, but true.

My husband asked if I wanted to test before the beta on Monday. He's never said that. I don't know. Maybe... maybe not... Last cycle, it did not prepare me for the news at all. I was very depressed when a nurse called me, and I was sad for a very long time. I thought getting negative from HPT would ease the pain if the bad news came. Nope, it didn't. I was upset when I saw that NOT PREGNANT sooner that I could've been.

So I don't know. We'll see how I feel this weekend.

I'm just praying that they stuck. I'm praying that the stomach flu didn't ruin them. I'm just... praying...

4DP4DT (4 day post day-4 transfer) 4DPT (4 day post transfer) 8DPR / 8DPO (8 day post retrieval)

It's been a terrible few days. TWW worries haven't been on my mind at all, other than the safety of the two embryos...
I've been plagued with stomach flu for a few days. Fever, nausea, diarrhea, you name it. I've only taken Tylenol to alleviate the fever and headache. I'm just being cautious after the transfer.

This is one way to distract my mind during the two week wait.

Drinking lots of water and resting, the old fashioned remedy seems to work best. I'm nowhere near better. Hope this won't affect the "implantation". :-(

12DP4DT (12 day post 4-day transfer) 12DPT (12 day post transfer) 16DPR (16 day post retrieval)

So here I am. The day of my official pregnancy test. I went to the clinic at 9:00am. The receptionist asked me what I was there for, and I whispered "to do blood test, for pregnancy test". I don't know why I was whispering...

The nurse called me in. It was my favorite nurse. Whenever she draws my blood, There are never bruises or spots on my arm. And she always find my vein easily. Other nurses always struggle, "your have small vein, your vein keeps rolling," blah blah blah.

I told her that she was my favorite nurse because she never bruises my arm. She smiled. I brought my courage and said, "I've been spotting..." while she was setting up the test. I was surprised at myself that I was on the verge of tears. I couldn't finish my sentence. I felt like choking up, felt like my throat got clogged or something.

I took a deep breath in.

She asked, "is it spotting or heavy flow?"
"Very small, brown stuff."

She smiled again and said, "That's normal. I think you are good. I'm sure you are pregnant this time." I gave her weary smile, "you think so?" I was about to cry again.

"Oh yeah. One or two. Maybe twins."  she continues, "no cramping, right?"

I got nervous.

"Yes. On and off, it's not bad though... Last IVF, my period came before beta."
"How many did you transfer?"
"5..."

She patted my tummy, "I'm telling you it sounds good, mommy". Again I got choked up.

During these 2WW, I've googled and surfed the Internet until I was dizzy. It was the first time in two weeks someone in real life gave me a word of encouragement about the IVF. My husband is the only one whom I share this IVF experience, other than those who read my blog.

I was thankful for the nurse's words. I didn't realize I would get so emotional just getting my blood drawn!

A few more hours and I will know. I almost bought some pregnancy tests on my way home. What a way to kill time before the phone call! Do I want to get more depressed? Plus I didn't want to waste $20.

The second posting will follow after the blood test result.
 

11DP4DT (11 day post 4-day transfer) 11DPT (11 day post transfer) 15DPR (15 day post retrieval)

Today I'm just waiting for the period to come. If all the dates are the same as IVF #1, it won't come until tomorrow.

The brown discharge came back yesterday afternoon. It's been very, very small but pretty consistent since then and the color got darker I think. This is one of the typical premenstrual symptoms for me. Also l've been getting light cramps on and off. My husband gave me a big hug last night, said "this is not the end of the world". I replied, "but it is the end of our baby dream". He just nodded.

As hopeless as I am, I find myself still clinging to that glimmer of hope. Maybe I'm one of those miracle stories that tomorrow's test will give me a good news. I think I was like that too in the last IVF cycle until getting the period on 16dpo. Last time, my beta was scheduled on 17dpo somehow. Everything was the same. 4-day transfer and all. I wonder why... This time, the test will be on 16dpo. So if everything will be as IVF #1 was, I won't have my period until I come home from the clinic tomorrow. I don't know which would be better, to have the period the day before or the day of beta. It'd be best if it doesn't come at all! 

Either way, this torturous wait will be over tomorrow...

10DP4DT (10 day post 4-day transfer) 10DPT (10 day post transfer) 14DPR (14 day post retrieval)

My second home pregnancy test taken at 14 DPO (or DPR) was big fat Negative BFN. It cruelly indicated "Not Pregnant" yet again. I'm just stunned. I'm not as upset as I was on Saturday. I'm just speechless, nauseous, and disgusted.

I know there are still two more days until beta. The light discharge I was having seems to be gone, but it could come back. In the last IVF, I had pink discharge for three days before getting a period (16DPO). And that was the day before beta test. I didn't even get to have my blood drawn with a suspicion of pregnancy!

So this is it? It's not going to happen? Without IVF, there is no chance that I can have my own child.

I've been having a pretty bad headache for the past few days too. I held off on taking any Tyrenol but I gave in last night. It didn't help much. I think it's the stress. I mean I googled out, clinging to my slightest hopes that it could still happen.

I feel the period is imminent. My blood test is on Wednesday (16DPO/12DPT). At this point, I just want to get it over with.

9DP4DT (9 day post 4-day transfer) 9DPT (9 day post transfer) 13DPR (13 day post retrieval)

I'm not supposed to be drinking alcohol while waiting (two week wait) for HCG test. Did I tell you I love to drink? I'm not an alcoholic or anything, I just love to drink. I can drink about 4 -5 drinks every night. Since egg transfer, of course I refrained from that. When I want to have a drink, my excuse would be like "well a lot of women who don't know that they are pregnant drink, then find out later they are pregnant!" My husband's counter-attack, "they don't spend thousands of dollars to get pregnant either!". Point taken. ;-)

So I've been good except for a few beers (probably total of 3) in the past 10 days. My husband made me eat a lot of food before having "the" glass. It's hard. There are so many nice bars in New York, all within the walking distance. "Don't tempt me!!!"  I scream in my head.

The brown spotting only lasted for a day (on Friday - 7DPT/11DPO), so did cramping. I was still depressed and slept in most of the day today.

Today, I felt a gush coming out, ran to the bathroom, and saw reddish watery discharge. Just a little but enough to make you scream again. Other than that, nothing. I'm just praying and praying and praying. What else can I do?

7DP4DT (7 day post 4-day transfer) 7DPT (7 day post transfer) 11DPR (11 day post retrieval)

Writing my IVF journey here has been truly therapeutic. If I didn't have this blog to share with those in similar situations, I probably would have gone insane! I'm not kidding.

I haven't shared my IVF "ordeals" with anyone in real life. Although I'm 38, none of my friends (they are all my age!) are married. It's New York thing, I guess... They think they can have babies when they want it. It's so silly. That's sooo not true, but I used to think like that too until I realized that I didn't have any control over my reproductive organs!!

Today is 7 days post transfer. Gosh, it's been so long and I have another 5 days until the blood test. Tomorrow, I will have my first pregnancy test. Uuugh, I'm about to chicken out again. During IVF #1, the spotting started 6 days post transfer, and the period started 12 days post. So if my "nothing-ness" continues until DPT9, I think that's a good sign.

I must say I'm 100% more positive than IVF#1. During the last cycle, I already knew it failed... days before beta. It was a gut feeling. I tried to convince myself that I could be wrong. Well, I wasn't - I hate to be right all the time!! Haha.

This time, I don't feel that. I'm feeling pretty good about my odds for a + result. My husband said "if you want a positive result, you have to stay positive." It's easier said than done, my man!

I bought EPT digital pregnancy test, so I won't see those "faint" lines people are talking about. I've never seen one myself. It's always been a clear one line. Ugh.

So tomorrow, I will see either PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT - no gray area like a faint line. Eeeewwww, I'm super scared.