7 posts tagged “endometriosis”

There were a few things I wanted to clarify at today's appointment.

1. Will I be eligible for the grant program?
2. Will I need another surgery for endometriosis?
3. What would be our success ratio considering the IVF we just had?

Basically, none were answered...

They don't have the money from the grant yet, so they don't know if or when they will be able to give us an answer (2 ~ 4 weeks?). There are people waiting for the grant money to do their first IVF which would have more priority than us (naturally). So the money may not reach our pocket.

According to the today's ultrasound, the sign of the current endometriosis is not so severe. So it's our (me and my husband's) judgment call whether to do surgery to remove the endometriosis or not. The doctor doesn't see it as necessity nor would it increase our odds of conceiving.

Anyway we scheduled a laparoscopy on May 29. The doctor said it wouldn't lessen our chance if it doesn't increase. My husband and I were pretty certain until this morning that I should have this surgery but now I'm not so sure now. Also I wouldn't go through with this surgery if we are not going to get the grant money.

The doc said the best cure for the endometriosis is to get pregnant. But having endometriosis is preventing me from getting pregnant. It just sucks.

I feel like I'm back to square one. I just need to wait for their finance department to tell me the eligibility.  If I'm eligible,  most likely I will have an IVF in August or something.

 

The doctor's office just called. The nurse sounded quite depressed. They must hate making this kind of phone calls. I'd dread it. Yes, the result was negative. But I knew it. Not because I had this "hunch". Because my period started yesterday. It wasn't "spotting" and it was indeed the period, so I knew. I even stopped taking the progesterone since yesterday.

Funny thing is I wasn't as upset as I thought I'd be. I was rather relieved. I wasn't relieved because it didn't work. I was relieved because I knew it didn't work and still had to wait for two full weeks. It was so agonizing. I tried to remain hopeful, but when something inside you tells you otherwise, it's hard to ignore.

What's next? My husband tried to cheer me up, I felt so bad. He said "I almost died a few times in my life, being alive and being married to you alone is a gift. So not having a baby is not the worst thing." I almost cried.

We've talked about adoption before. But when I told him how much it'd cost to adopt, we knew that wasn't our option either. Oddly enough, having a baby via IVF as expensive as it is, it's much more economical if successful.

We are going to have a consultation with the doctor next Friday to discuss our options. If we can get another grant, at least we can consider the possibility of another cycle. We don't know yet. We can't go bankrupt for IVF. We still gotta live our lives, y'know...

Anyway, those pregnancy tests were accurate. Sorry for doubting you, HPT!

Is this a bad thing that there are no more sharp pains, buttache, breast tenderness, no suspicious discharge, and frequent urination. I never used to get up at night to pee. How many times I've done that the past month?

I had a slight pain in the left ovary tonight (only a little bit - nothing like yesterday's). I think I'm just exhausting myself mentally. I'm sure a lot of women are like that during the two-week wait.

 

Today I almost forgot how antsy I've been for the blood test. The reason is the sharp pains that have been attacking my right ovary. The pain is so bad I had to lean forward at my desk for a while. It's not 24/7. It comes, stays for a bit and it goes. Then it comes back! I had a little bit of pain in the left ovary too but mostly (90%) is from the right side. This is definitely not the usual cramps I'd have before my period. It was minimal yesterday, and today it's been agonizing me all day. Now I'm worried that my Stage IV endometriosis came back in full force. It'd be such a bad news for my IVF treatment. Severe endometriosis is one of the worst enemies for infertility treatments.

Also I took a pregnancy test. This would be the first of the three tests (I bought 3-stick package so I might as well use them all). After waiting for 5 minutes, I saw the result. This is what people call BFN (Big Fat Negative) eh? My heart didn't sink that much. A few days ago when I got this weird sensation that I failed, my heart sank much lower. Nevertheless I'm disappointed. Should I try tomorrow again or wait until Wednesday?

Will it come back positive even it came back SOO negative on Day 30 (11 DPT)?

Normally two weeks just fly by but indeed this is the longest two weeks I've ever experienced. Friday is my 38th birthday. The test will be on Thursday. Last birthday, I had the laparoscopic surgery for Stage IV endometriosis. It's definitely not the ideal way to spend your birthday. This year, either I will have a big birthday present for me, or I will have most depressing birthday. Yikes.

Keep telling myself "Have some hope" over and over.

I've calmed down a little bit. It's not that I gave up or became more hopeful, I just reassured myself there is nothing I can do - so why fret.

Today is Day 29 (10 DPT). My husband is away until Tuesday so I went to the clinic to get the progesterone injection. Wow the nurse is super-fast compared to my husband! She laughed hearing my awe. "That's my job, I do this all the time!" I know, still it's super-fast!

The bloody, pinky discharge was only a little bit during the day. I didn't see any in the evening. My ovaries still have sharp pains though. My head is oozy too. The funny (!?) thing is, my breast tenderness is gone, my buttache is pretty much gone. The cramp is gone too (other than the sharp pain in the ovaries). Is this a good sign or bad sign? I think the pain I have is related to my endometriosis (my diagnosis).  Oh I had severe back pain (lower back) too. This was the same pain I had right before the surgery for the endometriosis a year ago. Maybe the spotting is related to the endometriosis rather than the implantation??

I bought the pregnancy tests. I haven't tested yet. I'm not supposed to. I was strictly told not to, by the doctor. They said because it's not accurate. I think it's worse to have the false-positive test rather than hit with NEGATIVE. You get so excited and shot down the toilet. My husband is kind of square so he'd be upset if I told him I bought the test.

I think I will use it tomorrow morning. Either way, I will be able to prepare myself.

I heard taking the progesterone delays the period. I wonder if it does with me. I'm pretty regular. But the past four months, I've been irregular (between 27 - 32). I used to be consistent 28-day girl. So I consider the 27 - 32 day cycle very irregular! I had all the symptoms for the period, and it's been almost 4 days since it started. Now nothing.

I got the 3-test package so I can test for 3 days before the HCG test on Thursday.

OK. It's very easy to be paranoid when you are going through the one-time only IVF. It may be my excuse, but there you have it. I am extremely paranoid. The doctor called back and he said not to be concerned (about the light green discharge). The amount and infrequency didn't worry him, the nurse said.

OK, fine. Now this morning and this afternoon, I definitely had a bloody discharge. The first one I thought I was overly "observant" if you know what I mean. But the second time consecutively with a clear trace of blood. Now I'm thinking, "Oh god, my period is starting!!!" I've never wished for my period not to come this much in my life.

It's Day 25 (6 DPT). It is a few days too early but with all these medications and shots, how would anyone expect to have a normal cycle, right?

Then I started googling. It's really bad to have the convenience of the Internet when you are extremely paranoid.

Now I come across to this term, "Implantation Bleeding". I'll just quote from a website I found (most websites said the same thing):

"Implantation bleeding occurs when an egg has been fertilized and implants into the lining of the uterus. Because the lining uterus is made up of blood, there can be a bit of blood expelled in some women.

Implantation will appear before you expect your period and many people mistaken it for spotting before their period begins. As mentioned before, most women do not experience a full on bleeding with implantation. Instead, they may experience a bit of spotting in their panties or even some pinkish or brown discharge. This usually is usually not a flowing type of blood..."

That's exactly what I experienced today. I have severe endometriosis so about a week before the period starts I experience sharp pain in my ovary(or ovaries). I had that today. I do get spotting like this too before my period. So if I get my period tomorrow. I've had all the right symptoms for it.But as hopeful as I have been,  I'm praying  I just had implantation bleeding. I guess I will find out in a few days (waay before I was hoping for).

Meanwhile I'll just keep praying and praying and praying.

That's how I'd describe my doctor after having a horrible appointment on Friday and seeing him today.
I had most depressing and angry weekend. I tried not the experience ruin my life or the weekend, still I'm only human... It hurt.

I dreaded my appointment with the doctor this afternoon. What could happen? Will I yell and curse at him? Will my husband try to strangle him? I had no idea how it'd turn out.

When we got there, it was a "good sign" already. They couldn't find my appointment scheduled! The girl who made the appointment was there, so I said to her "You made the appointment last Friday!". She goes, "Were you here Friday?"

Ugghh.. Now they can't find my appointment or any record that I was there Friday AND they can't now locate my chart!!
I said to my husband "Maybe this is a sign that we should switch the doctor/clinic altogether" and he said "I was thinking the same thing."

Then another receptionist told us " You guys are all set. Wait here until we call you."

My heart was already sinking. I just wanted to leave. I'm already thinking of switching the doctor before my "alleged" appointment with the doctor.

Generally calm, my husband is getting agitated.

Then I got called in... so my husband followed. Strangely we were led to the examining room. I was terribly confused. I thought the doctor wasn't going to do the IVF unless my husband and I met with him again to sort out this mess.

The nurse tells me to take off the bottom... My husband is right there. He is turning blue!!
 
Me: "I'm awfully confused. I'm not here for the physical. I was told to come here with my husband for an office visit..."
Nurse: "Yes, you need to have the ultrasound taken. You've started the birth control pills for the cycle, correct? You had a cyst in the previous visit so we need to check whether that's gone. You two will meet the doctor afterwards"
Me: "What about my husband??"
Nurse: "He can stay here if you are comfortable." she says this so matter-of-factly.

I cracked a smile seeing his horrified look!

He volunteered to wait in the front office. He later said "She could have asked me about MY comfort level!!"

When the doctor came in, he had a biggest smile I've ever seen. ??????????????? He was super-duper friendly and I nervously told him I brought my husband today (remembering last week's meeting). "Oh great. We need to have a consultation just to make sure we are on a same page." He says  quite lightly...

His attitude was almost creepy.

As I came out to see my husband, he looked concerned. "I think he had a nice weekend or something. He's a completely different person from last week." JEKYLL & HYDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we met him in his office. He said "I've been busy and forgot about your situation that you've been in contact with  my office, speaking to the nurse and the finance manager. I just didn't want to take the assumption that we still had the grant money left in the program. I didn't mean to frighten you if I came across that way. Thankfully my staff was on top of everything."

I just stared at him. It certainly was a relief that he didn't refuse to do the IVF flat out, or say any more nasty things. Still how could he be such an asshole!!! and expect me to accept a simply apology?? He is talking about my LIFE! Plus when I mentioned that I've been talking to his staff the past 6 months, he said "he cannot be responsible for what his staff would say or do" !!

He couldn't have been sweeter than today's appointment. I was still put off by his duplicity. How smiley he is, I can't get his nasty side out of my head once embedded.

I was so exhausted after this appointment.

As for the IVF, now the doctor tells me that the grant money IS available for me, so everything is a GO. But a follicle is already developing though I started to take the pill on Day 1 so we have to wait until that disappears or something.  My left ovary looks clean and free of endometriosis, but the right ovary looks pretty bad.

He also remarked that my endometriosis is coming back in the right ovary but he wasn't sure whether I should just go ahead with the IVF or have a surgery to remove it first.

My next appointment is Wednesday. Here we go again...