24 posts tagged “2ww”

9DP4DT (9 day post day-4 transfer) 9DPT (9 day post transfer) 13DPR / 13DPO (13 day post retrieval)

Still I have absolutely no symptoms. I mean NADA. I google and find comments like "no symptoms except for xxxxxx" a lot. OK, that's still a symptom. For me, there is nothing. I mean I'm taking the progesterone shots and suppository. Isn't there anything from that?? Nope, not me.

• Frequent urination - No
• Cramping - No
• Sharp pain in ovary - No
• Headache - No
• Hot flashes - No
• Spotting - No
• CM - No (very dry!)
• Bloating - No
• Weight gain - No
• Sore breasts - No
• Sore butts!? - No

I mean nothing... This is rather weird.

One thing I want an answer is the relationship with Lupron Depot (this is different from the daily subcutaneous injection). I haven't had my period since last November. Lupron Depot shuts down everything (to menopausal stage). Yeah, the side effects I endured were just lovely. Hot flashes, dryness downstairs (seriously), etc.

So is that why I'm not having any discharge or spotting??? I mean it'd be wonderful if this is because I'm pregnant. But I don't know. 

Am I supposed to be afraid of the period to come like the last time or the period won't come on schedule because of Lupron Depot? (OK, I'm thinking of this in case this cycle was a bust...)

Well, I know I ovulated thanks to all those stims. Around that time, I had pre-O symptoms like cervical mucus and all that. So Lupron Depot situation is irrelevant now? FYI - my last injection was on January 6. I can't find any answers to that.

Ah well. I might as well enjoy nothingness while it lasts.

1DP4DT (1 day post day-4 transfer) 1DPT (1 day post transfer) 5DPR / 5DPO (5 day post retrieval)

The transfer went well. 2 precious embryos were alive and well. They came back to where they belong!

Doc said the embryos looked very good, much better than the last IVF. So hopefully it will work this time.

I changed the progesterone suppository though. I just couldn't like Crinone and switched to Endometrin. The nurse said they are the same. I know suppositories are never fun, but inserting the tablet seemed less gross than a goo. I slept for 15 hours today. I try not to overanalyze everything this time if that's possible.

12DP4DT (12 day post 4-day transfer) 12DPT (12 day post transfer) 16DPR (16 day post retrieval)

So it's over.

I was really hoping that this infertility blog will graduate into a pregnancy blog then a child rearing blog. I guess that was a wishful thinking. I never thought that was too much to ask.

The only way for me to get pregnant is via IVF. My fallopian tubes are severely damaged due to Stage IV endometriosis. It's pretty much the same as not having the tubes. IVFs are not covered by insurance in New York State. IUI - yes. Since my tubes are not functioning, it's no point in doing IUI.

We've done 2 IVFs which stretched our financial limit. Even if we had means to do another, when will it end? Ideally I just get pregnant right away, so no more worries. I know the reality is harder than that. I've heard of a woman doing 8 IVFs of which 4 were miscarried. To me, that's unfathomable. I totally understand her sentiment, wanting your child desperately. Maybe your body is not compatible with pregnancy. It's not fair, but there it is. I keep asking myself. Why not? Why not me? Or why not anyone who wants to have a baby? I think I can do pretty good job at raising a child. I'm sure I can. My heart cannot sink further. 

One thing I learned from this experience is that symptoms during IVF waiting periods are so irrelevant!! Although both IVFs failed sadly, I had completely different symptoms. That's why I became more hopeful the second time around.

IVF #1=Negative BFN
Lots of pains in ovaries*
Lower back pain*
Sore buttocks
Increased discharge
Cramps
Pink discharge (13 -15DPO)
Sore breasts
Full (more like swollen) breasts
Bloating
Nausea
Increased appetite
Frequent urination
Period came on 16DPO

*=most likely caused by endo symptoms. Dr thought maybe endo was stimulated too much by meds.

IVF #2=Negative BFN
Frequent urination
Brown discharge (11DPO, 14DPO, 15DPO)
Headache (12DPO-15DPO)
Period came on 17DPO

Overall I felt much better in IVF#2. Since the results were both negative, it doesn't really matter if I felt better this cycle or not.

I thought I wanted to share this info for those IVFers agonizing over the various symptoms they go through.

Dr. wants to see me for consultation. That's on October 29. I don't know... my mind is so blank right now.

12DP4DT (12 day post 4-day transfer) 12DPT (12 day post transfer) 16DPR (16 day post retrieval)

So here I am. The day of my official pregnancy test. I went to the clinic at 9:00am. The receptionist asked me what I was there for, and I whispered "to do blood test, for pregnancy test". I don't know why I was whispering...

The nurse called me in. It was my favorite nurse. Whenever she draws my blood, There are never bruises or spots on my arm. And she always find my vein easily. Other nurses always struggle, "your have small vein, your vein keeps rolling," blah blah blah.

I told her that she was my favorite nurse because she never bruises my arm. She smiled. I brought my courage and said, "I've been spotting..." while she was setting up the test. I was surprised at myself that I was on the verge of tears. I couldn't finish my sentence. I felt like choking up, felt like my throat got clogged or something.

I took a deep breath in.

She asked, "is it spotting or heavy flow?"
"Very small, brown stuff."

She smiled again and said, "That's normal. I think you are good. I'm sure you are pregnant this time." I gave her weary smile, "you think so?" I was about to cry again.

"Oh yeah. One or two. Maybe twins."  she continues, "no cramping, right?"

I got nervous.

"Yes. On and off, it's not bad though... Last IVF, my period came before beta."
"How many did you transfer?"
"5..."

She patted my tummy, "I'm telling you it sounds good, mommy". Again I got choked up.

During these 2WW, I've googled and surfed the Internet until I was dizzy. It was the first time in two weeks someone in real life gave me a word of encouragement about the IVF. My husband is the only one whom I share this IVF experience, other than those who read my blog.

I was thankful for the nurse's words. I didn't realize I would get so emotional just getting my blood drawn!

A few more hours and I will know. I almost bought some pregnancy tests on my way home. What a way to kill time before the phone call! Do I want to get more depressed? Plus I didn't want to waste $20.

The second posting will follow after the blood test result.
 

11DP4DT (11 day post 4-day transfer) 11DPT (11 day post transfer) 15DPR (15 day post retrieval)

Today I'm just waiting for the period to come. If all the dates are the same as IVF #1, it won't come until tomorrow.

The brown discharge came back yesterday afternoon. It's been very, very small but pretty consistent since then and the color got darker I think. This is one of the typical premenstrual symptoms for me. Also l've been getting light cramps on and off. My husband gave me a big hug last night, said "this is not the end of the world". I replied, "but it is the end of our baby dream". He just nodded.

As hopeless as I am, I find myself still clinging to that glimmer of hope. Maybe I'm one of those miracle stories that tomorrow's test will give me a good news. I think I was like that too in the last IVF cycle until getting the period on 16dpo. Last time, my beta was scheduled on 17dpo somehow. Everything was the same. 4-day transfer and all. I wonder why... This time, the test will be on 16dpo. So if everything will be as IVF #1 was, I won't have my period until I come home from the clinic tomorrow. I don't know which would be better, to have the period the day before or the day of beta. It'd be best if it doesn't come at all! 

Either way, this torturous wait will be over tomorrow...

10DP4DT (10 day post 4-day transfer) 10DPT (10 day post transfer) 14DPR (14 day post retrieval)

My second home pregnancy test taken at 14 DPO (or DPR) was big fat Negative BFN. It cruelly indicated "Not Pregnant" yet again. I'm just stunned. I'm not as upset as I was on Saturday. I'm just speechless, nauseous, and disgusted.

I know there are still two more days until beta. The light discharge I was having seems to be gone, but it could come back. In the last IVF, I had pink discharge for three days before getting a period (16DPO). And that was the day before beta test. I didn't even get to have my blood drawn with a suspicion of pregnancy!

So this is it? It's not going to happen? Without IVF, there is no chance that I can have my own child.

I've been having a pretty bad headache for the past few days too. I held off on taking any Tyrenol but I gave in last night. It didn't help much. I think it's the stress. I mean I googled out, clinging to my slightest hopes that it could still happen.

I feel the period is imminent. My blood test is on Wednesday (16DPO/12DPT). At this point, I just want to get it over with.

9DP4DT (9 day post 4-day transfer) 9DPT (9 day post transfer) 13DPR (13 day post retrieval)

I'm not supposed to be drinking alcohol while waiting (two week wait) for HCG test. Did I tell you I love to drink? I'm not an alcoholic or anything, I just love to drink. I can drink about 4 -5 drinks every night. Since egg transfer, of course I refrained from that. When I want to have a drink, my excuse would be like "well a lot of women who don't know that they are pregnant drink, then find out later they are pregnant!" My husband's counter-attack, "they don't spend thousands of dollars to get pregnant either!". Point taken. ;-)

So I've been good except for a few beers (probably total of 3) in the past 10 days. My husband made me eat a lot of food before having "the" glass. It's hard. There are so many nice bars in New York, all within the walking distance. "Don't tempt me!!!"  I scream in my head.

The brown spotting only lasted for a day (on Friday - 7DPT/11DPO), so did cramping. I was still depressed and slept in most of the day today.

Today, I felt a gush coming out, ran to the bathroom, and saw reddish watery discharge. Just a little but enough to make you scream again. Other than that, nothing. I'm just praying and praying and praying. What else can I do?

8DP4DT (8 day post 4-day transfer) 8DPT (8 day post transfer) 12DPR (12 day post retrieval)

After writing yesterday's post, I started to have cramps and light brown discharge. My heart stopped. It was very small, however, enough to sink my high spirit. My ovaries started to have sharp pains on and off. This symptom is exactly the same as my PMS. I always get this four days before my period starts.

Googling myself like crazy, found many people who had that before positive pregnancy tests. Still I was getting depressed. To be fair, I told my husband that my period may be due soon. He hasn't said a word since transfer, I know he's trying not to put pressure on me.

He: Are you 100% sure?
Me: No.
He: Too soon. Be positive!!
Me: I know it's coming.
He: Well, we'll deal with it if it does.

Then this morning I took # 1 of two tests I bought. It was NOT PREGNANT. Yes, it was negative... I didn't tell my husband about these HPTs. Although he was acting like my fear of period was not to be concerned, I guess he was concerned. He was waiting for me outside of the bathroom this morning and said, "Any period??" "Nope..." He looked so relieved. I couldn't tell him that I took a HPT and it was negative.

I will take another test on Monday (14DPO), it will be definite by then. I'm still hoping that it will happen but my heart is sinking. All the positiveness I had yesterday morning is out the window.

7DP4DT (7 day post 4-day transfer) 7DPT (7 day post transfer) 11DPR (11 day post retrieval)

Writing my IVF journey here has been truly therapeutic. If I didn't have this blog to share with those in similar situations, I probably would have gone insane! I'm not kidding.

I haven't shared my IVF "ordeals" with anyone in real life. Although I'm 38, none of my friends (they are all my age!) are married. It's New York thing, I guess... They think they can have babies when they want it. It's so silly. That's sooo not true, but I used to think like that too until I realized that I didn't have any control over my reproductive organs!!

Today is 7 days post transfer. Gosh, it's been so long and I have another 5 days until the blood test. Tomorrow, I will have my first pregnancy test. Uuugh, I'm about to chicken out again. During IVF #1, the spotting started 6 days post transfer, and the period started 12 days post. So if my "nothing-ness" continues until DPT9, I think that's a good sign.

I must say I'm 100% more positive than IVF#1. During the last cycle, I already knew it failed... days before beta. It was a gut feeling. I tried to convince myself that I could be wrong. Well, I wasn't - I hate to be right all the time!! Haha.

This time, I don't feel that. I'm feeling pretty good about my odds for a + result. My husband said "if you want a positive result, you have to stay positive." It's easier said than done, my man!

I bought EPT digital pregnancy test, so I won't see those "faint" lines people are talking about. I've never seen one myself. It's always been a clear one line. Ugh.

So tomorrow, I will see either PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT - no gray area like a faint line. Eeeewwww, I'm super scared.